insufferable sausages…

Sausage making night was unduly stressful. After all the joyous build up to the sausage making fest, the reality was anticlimactic, gross tasting and ended up in the trash.

It’s true folks,  I spent 25 bucks on the meat for the sausage and we threw every last bit of it away. It was nasty ass. 

Both Handsome and I read up on sausage making before commencing the experiment. We also bought the best sausage maker you can buy (for home sausage making). So what happened? Why did our sausage turn out so grainy that it left a chalky grit between my gums and cheek?

Well first of all, let’s blame Handsome. He was late home from work, which meant we had to squeeze the sausage experimentation into a small window of time.

Second of all, let’s go ahead and blame me. I had a couple of beers with a friend before Handsome got home, which left me tipsier than I should have been.

Dammit! We had been waiting for this for quite some time and now we had both conspired to bugger it up! Well, we were both determined to make it work and we were starving, so we got on with it. For the first go around, I used a pound of pork, 1/3 pound of beef (couldn’t find veal) and ground it up on the finish setting. I then added a hodge podge of herbs and spices from various recipes for English sausage or bratwurst and we threw it back in the grinder (I have an issue with visible fat so really wanted it ground into that sausage). Handsome really got his hands stuck in and he really worked that sausage…

Then, in a fever of anticipation and excitement, we pinched off two dime sized pieces and fried ‘em up. We got a nice brown sear on them, they looked delicious! We popped them in our mouths and chewed… Ugh, they broke up into our mouths in teeny little grainy pieces. It was like eating sand. It was totally crap!

Now bearing in mind that both of us were starving and the insanity that brings, Handsome would have fried up the rest of them there and then. But I am Britkitch. I make amazing food. I do not let my standards slip for anyone or anything. That batch went in the bin and with it went Handsome’s dreams of a quick dinner.

Now bearing in mind that neither Handsome nor I know anything about sausage making, our big mistake was not reading up on why they were grainy before starting the next batch. We just ploughed on and used up the second half of our meat. We decided in our non existent wisdom that the reason for the graininess was passing it twice through the finest grinder. So we decided to use a higher width grind and only grind once. I decided to not look at the blobs of fat…

We followed the same path with the herbs and spices, because frankly the taste of the first batch was great, so why change it? The same meat blend went through and  despite my distaste at the visible fat, it looked like normal sausage. Okay! Let’s fry up this sucker!

Same little pinch of sausage again, but now we were hungry, so we did a UK pound sized piece each. Fried up the little buggers. Popped them in our mouths… Disaster! Tasted great, but were more grainy than the last batch.

In that one instant our sausage dreams were crushed. This was going to be way harder than we had anticipated. Britkitch does have epic fails and they happen more often that I care to admit, but they usually result in my pretending like I haven’t tried in the first place for several months (some of you may remember the ciabatta disaster – I have NOT tried that again). But in this case, we have bought a very expensive sausage maker and I am not in the habit of buying equipment, then storing it at the back of the cupboard because I don’t know what to do with it.

So we are going to have to get our sausage groove back on, and quickly, but luckily for this British Kitchen, we have a reprieve. Handsome and kids are going away for Spring Break week and I have decided not to cook this week if I can help it, as I deserve a vaca too, even if I do have to work.

So your fervour for more sausage tales will have to wait a week. Sorry ’bout it…

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